Selected jokes, aphorisms and definitions
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Issue 12, 06.09.00
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~ QUESTIONS and ANSWERS ~
- What's the difference between a TV set and a woman?
- You can turn off a TV set.
- Which is better - past or future?
- Dark past and bright future are equally scary.
- Which is better - sex without love, or love without sex?
- Which do you think is better - a plate without soup, or soup without a plate?
- Why do those who talk a lot do very little, and those who do a lot talk very little?
- Because neither of them has enough time.
- What's the difference between a human and a humanoid?
- If you share vodka - you're human, if you drink alone - you're humanoid.
~ ANSWERS to APHORISMS ~
- I have an opinion, but I don't share it.
- If you can't share your opinion, you'll have to share someone else's.
- Harsh truth of life: if your affairs fare badly, very soon they'll fare even worse
- Soft lie of life: if your affairs fare at all, it's good.
- You're so deeply deluded that you're even deluded about the depth of your delusion.
- Your thoughts are so deep that you drowned in them.
- Impudence is the politeness of kings.
- Accuracy is the politeness of snipers.
- The boss is not always right, but he's always the boss.
- The boss is not always right, but he doesn't know it!
~ FUNNY DICTIONARY ~
SCLEROSIS- an ailment that cannot be cured, but which can be forgotten.
PUBERTY- when a child thinks how such stupid parents could produce such a smart child.
MORALS- a code of rules of others' behavior towards you.
LAW- Crystallization of societal prejudices.
KISS- a knock downstairs.
~ JOKES ~
- Our boss wants us to do triple work.
- Good thing there are five of us!
Dog for sale. Eats everything. Loves children.
- Your marital status?
- INTOLERABLE!
- I only drink coffee in the mornings.
- Trying to save your health?
- No, trying to save coffee!
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